“Heritage ain’t just the thing that flatters you.”
— Ta-Nehisi Coates
Today is January 19, 2026. It is a Monday. Today, we honor Dr. Martin Luther King’s birthday and the impact he made on our country and world through his leadership in the civil rights movement. Today we contemplate his life and his death. And perhaps, moreover, today we consider the lives and deaths of the countless who have given this country the honest and noble work of evaluation, pushback, blood, sweat, patience, critical thought, and change-agency regarding the abusive construction and use of racism in America—and the ensuing horrors and outcomes of its indoctrination and practice. Full stop.
We all inherit the unflattering realities of the racism that Dr. King opposed. It has impacted our culture, our church, our capitalism, our communities, and ourselves more than we collectively realize.
“If you want to change the other, one of the most powerful things you can do is change yourself.”
— Esther Perel
For those who know me or have read some of my writing, you’ll know that the concepts and ideas surrounding culture, racism, and faith—specifically here in the U.S., and particularly within Black and white communities—have held my heart and curiosity. My understanding and perspective on race in America has been developing for many years (I suppose all my life), but there has been concentrated focus over the past five to ten.
In 2020, I wrote a blog post around a concept I called “The Good Friday,” where I shared a story of personal discovery and observation as it pertained to the realities of race and racism inside and outside the church. In 2024, I wrote a blog post unpacking a few current social realities of race and racism in the U.S. And last year, I wrote a blog post discussing how our selfishness and cultural grip allow for ignorance and integration into discourse, politics, and social realities around race and racism in the U.S.
This MLK holiday, I’m writing for me.
Marketing’s “Rule of 7” suggests a consumer needs to encounter a brand message about seven times before remembering or acting on it. We need repetition to create muscle memory. We atrophy if we don’t repeat.
I don’t want to atrophy when it comes to racism. I need to remain alert as my ignorance and comfort can grab hold hard and fast—misleading me or obstructing me.
I’m fortunate to have a large, diverse friend group—with varying degrees of relationship and melanin—that has contributed to my understanding of much of the qualitative and quantitative realities of race in America.
In addition, I’ve learned that, within the taxing realities of race and racism: missteps are rationalized. Discomfort is dismissed. We over-focus on it. We under-focus on it. We are ignorant of our complicit nature and contribution. Or worse, we’re not.
To remain effective, we must revisit.
So, allow me to revisit some things using quotes* from friends and stream-of-conscious thoughts.
“At least meet us halfway.”
This quote from a racial advocate friend, since passed, was shared with me when she was pleased by the contributions of some white supporters. An “at least” may contribute more than you know. It’s at least a start.
“We, as Black women, didn’t have time to have a nervous breakdown.”
This came from a friend sharing about balancing life, family, and generations through the pandemic. There are historical realities regarding generational trauma and barbaric, inventive health practices inflicted on women of color. Couple that truth with the pressure of making ends meet, and for many, there is no time for the breakdown. Can’t afford it—mentally or physically.
“Your niceness is inadequate to deal with the level of brutality that has occurred.”
Heard at an event addressing the desire to satisfy my own trauma at the expense of someone else’s. Apologies and postures of forgiveness, as authentic as they may be, are not always the balm we hope they’ll be for those who have lived through the realities of racism.
“The closer I got to the inner circle, the more uncomfortable I got
—and the more uncomfortable they got.”
Racism is uncomfortable for everyone. Systemic truths about power structures only exacerbate that discomfort.
“I am a person, more than I am a theme or presentation.”
Digging into race and racism requires work—much unlearning and learning. Some of which benefit from others' stories. However, not everyone is comfortable sharing stories of trauma, so don’t ask unless it is genuinely helpful to everyone involved.
“God cannot heal what we will not face.”
If you truly desire to address the realities of race and racism, you must, in many regards, let go of any innate need to be correct.
“I just expect white people to ‘white people.’”
White folks are often ‘naked emperors’—ignorant of the behavioral effects of their ignorance. Sure, anyone can suffer from this regardless of color, but from a position of power and control, the effects are often egregious. Maybe dismissible. Mostly not.
“I’ve learned to be kind to people who don’t see me.”
Imagine that. What does it take to reach that level of grace amid reality? I don’t want to know.
“Being overwhelmed doesn’t absolve me from responsibility.”
So often, as white people, we can dismiss hard historical truths if we want to. It’s easier on us.
“You’re only comprehending what you’ve been taught to think about.”
There’s an African proverb that says something like, “Until the lion tells his story, the tale of the hunt will always be told by the man with the gun.” Our history books are not multi-leveled. And unfortunately, when we try to explore those levels today, many resist.
“It doesn’t matter how helpful your idea is; if you don’t think about how it travels through culture, you’re likely going to lose that battle.”
Even if we believe we hold the correct perspective on race and racism, if we don’t understand the culture of the other, we will fail to communicate well. And we must remain available to tolerate additional thought.
“You can’t reconcile what you don’t recognize.”
Today, I recognize Dr. Martin Luther King.
And today, I also recognize me—and my continued learning. Continued journey. Continued course correcting. Continued hope to do the good things.
*I have kept the quotes anonymous to honor relational trust.